family

Can’t enjoy myself

2021-07-12 By Sachin Leave a Comment

This weekend I:

Prepared a meal with my daughter, and she enjoyed the time spent together.
The meal itself was great.
Had a game night with the family.
Spent a couple hours just reading.

Looking at it, this should have been a good weekend. I should have felt good at the end of it.

But I don’t.

Instead, what’s flooding my mind is all the work that I have piled up. And deliverables and deadlines that are looming and are likely to be missed. And people that I feel I will be letting down.

It’s overshadowed any goodwill that I should have had with the moments I’ve spent with my family.

And I feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I haven’t done the work that needs to be done.

I feel guilty because family moments seems like a distraction when it should be one of the most essential things in my life.

This is a “me” problem. Not being able to stay in the moment and focus on the present. Constantly future thinking and ruminating on the past.

This is a problem of attachment and not being able to let go.

And I feel guilty again. I feel as though I’ve been wasting all my time on self-improvement. That after all of this time, I still haven’t learned how to do that. It seems that I haven’t improved at all.

I have no idea if others feel like I do. And if they do, how do they deal with it? I wish someone would tell me.

Can’t separate

2021-05-10 By Sachin Leave a Comment

People have told me that you must separate your professional/work life from your personal/home life. I want people to tell me how to do that.

I’ve noticed that my feelings from either one would bleed into the other… easily… both positive and negative. If I have a frustrating day at work, it affects my personal life. And conversely, if I have an excellent weekend, then my work week starts out pretty good.

This should be expected, not so. We only have one life, and we all don’t have multiple personalities that allow us to compartmentalise our lives so that it’s separate.

I believe that many people give that advice to separate your work-home lives because they don’t know what else to say, and that comes easy. I’m pretty sure they don’t know how to do that either.

Don’t get me started on work/life balance, as if work isn’t part of your life. People have built entire business models on that premise and continue to push it.

We need to learn how to determine what is really important in our lives so that we can give the proper focus on that and prioritise as required. If work is important, then do that; if the family is, then do that. If they’re both important, then you set boundaries by which you’re getting both done, with the level of focus and attention they both deserve.

I’m saying all this as though I do this regularly and am really good at it, but I suck royally at it in reality. But I continue to reevaluate and review if what I’m doing is what is important to me. I’ll get better at it.

For now, I try to stay mindful of how I feel in the present moment. I do this so that my emotions don’t get in the way of my actions. Which I suck royally at as well, but I do try.

My Miracle Baby

2019-10-13 By Sachin Leave a Comment

Almost 10 years ago, one of the scariest moments in my life happened.

My wife was pregnant with our second child. Twelve weeks before she was due, fluid started to leak. The doctor told us to get to the hospital.

A few hours later, my wife gave birth. She was under 3 pounds and spent 5 weeks in the NICU.

The doctor at the NICU told me one day that she would surprise me and that I had nothing to worry about.

The first few months I was still concerned, and slowly but surely, I grew confident that she was doing well.

Now she’s an amazing young girl, a little stubborn, and follows her big sister too much. But does her own thing.

She’s the one who wants to be the YouTuber.

Now and then I hold her hand and look at the scars on her hands from the IV needles back when she was in the NICU. I’m reminded of how close she was to not being here, and I am thankful that the nurses and doctors worked to ensure her survival.

I still worry about her, but for different things now.

Will she do well in the world. Will the world be a safe place for her. Will she be happy.

But she’s proven that she’s a survivor.

Ten years gone, and many more to come.

Support the kids

2019-10-11 By Sachin Leave a Comment

My wife asked me today if I knew what my youngest daughter wanted to be when she grows up?

I didn’t know. She daughter wanted to tell me whenever I asked her.

She wants to be a YouTuber my wife said. She created a logo and everything.

I was a bit taken aback at this. I mean I knew she liked YouTube, but to be a YouTuber?

I kinda hoped she’d wanted to do be something a little more… well, professional.

I mean, what fraction of YouTubers make it well out there? Especially if coming from a small Caribbean country?

So I did what any Caribbean father would do… beat the idea out of her.

Just kidding.

I did a little reading, gave her some advice on the name, and set up a YouTube channel for her under my account.

She was so excited. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so thrilled about anything. She had questions and I told her to do some research and we can look at it some more tomorrow.

I don’t think she’s going to sleep tonight.

I’m still not very pleased about it. But I’m willing to support her while she figures out what she wants to be.

If at the end she does want to be a YouTuber, then it is what it is I suppose.

I’ll help her be one of the successful ones.

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Can’t enjoy myself

Can’t separate

My Miracle Baby

Support the kids

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