With school starting back on July 20th for children who will sit the Secondary Entrance Assessment (SEA) examination on August 20th, schools are preparing to host the students.
As usual, the school administration and PTA sent out a broadcast asking for volunteers to help out on the weekends. I said (to myself) that I would take some time today (Saturday) to go and give a hand any which way I could.
Then today came, and I did nothing.
No reason other than I just didn’t want to go.
Granted I had other things to do – work for my Master’s Thesis, some office work due, as well as a host of items that I keep putting off – I did set aside a few hours to head to the school and help. But still couldn’t get myself off my arse to head down there.
Further, I don’t know why. I’ve often volunteered my time before to assist at the school. Perhaps it was back when I was working on my own and had much more time on my hands that it was easier to do. Is it that now it’s more challenging?
After a hard week at the office, the emotional toll on me is draining. How do others do it? Those who will work the entire week and on weekends find themselves doing some other activity and volunteering their time. I used to do that too, about ten years ago. Have I lost my stamina?
Or is it because I’ve become lazy?
So now I’m feeling guilty. I mean, I didn’t disappoint anyone. I only told my wife I would go. I didn’t call anyone at the school or in the PTA and tell them I was coming. I didn’t broadcast it all over social media that I was going to do anything.
So why am I feeling guilty?
Maybe it’s because I promised myself, which is something I need to stop doing.
Or maybe it’s cognitive dissonance:
- A good person would volunteer their time at the school.
- I think of myself as a good person.
- But I didn’t volunteer at the school.
So what does that make me?
I’ll go with lazy. It’s more appetising.