When it comes to criticising me, there is no more prominent critic than me. No one comes down harder than me whenever I make a mistake, or not delivering, or if the quality of my output is poor.
I would get angry at myself for things like procrastinating on significant tasks, or for getting up late when I wanted to get up early.
I hold others to high standards too, but I keep myself to even higher ones.
You may think this forces me to be great, but it often doesn’t feel so. Imagine your most intimate partner bringing you down for every little thing. Yup, that’s how it feels.
It often feels like I just can win myself over.
That’s why I feel these words from Demi Lovato’s “I Love Me”:
Feeling myself is a felony
Jedi level sabotage
Voices in my head make up my entourage
Cause I’m a black belt when I’m beating up on myself
But this is unhealthy, even if it doesn’t feel like it should. Because you’re doing it to yourself, and there’s no limit to the abuse you’re willing to give or take.
…I always got my finger on the self destruct
I wonder when I love me is enough
…
Cause mine’s the only heart I’m gonna have for life
After all the times I went and fucked it up
I wonder when I love me is enough
Self-compassion is a significant part of overcoming this abuse. I’m better than I tell myself.
I’m my own worst critic
Talk a whole lot of shit
But I’m a ten out of ten
Even when I forget
I need to remember that.