I’ve written before about my failures. As recently as yesterday.
And while some of these failures are true failures, most of them are partial successes – not achieving the full gains, but did achieve some.
Most of the times I’m a half-full kind of guy, but when it comes to achieving goals, I’m more of a half-empty person.
This sort of perfectionism often leads to me suffering from Imposter Syndrome. From Wikipedia:
Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
Many people suffer from it, even very successful people. The challenge with this feeling is that it gets worse as you gain more and more success. We’re all there waiting for the other shoe to drop and people would finally discover that we’re not as smart or good as they thought we were.
So I procrastinate and engage in self-defeating strategies, like not delivering on time, or purposefully taking on too much so I have an excuse for lack of quality, delays, etc.
Then there are the failures that caused me to feel more like a fraud. That I don’t belong where I am. So the fear sets in where I afraid to make a move else I will fail again, essentially ensuring that I will fail.
Like a deer in the headlights.
What bothers me the most, is that I can’t get past it. That I can’t overcome this limitation that keeps me average.
So I keep looking and trying. An answer or solution should not be this hard to find. Or am I overthinking it?