We all need it.
I try to get at least 7 hours of sleep. I know they said you need 8, but I’ve found 7 to be optimal for me.
In reality, I’ve gotten 5 or 6 hours. And depend on coffee to keep me up during the day.
My clock keeps shifting. I used to be up at 5am, asleep by 11pm. Now it’s asleep at 12am and up at 6am.
I don’t want to go to bed that late. I want to go to bed early because I want to rise early. Mornings are my most productive times.
But I just don’t want to sleep.
I feel sleepy. I’m tired. Sometimes even exhausted.
But I just don’t want to go to sleep.
There’s the feeling that there is so much yet to get done. There’s so much that I’ve got to do.
I’ve been able to let go of my thoughts once I’m in bed so I could fall asleep. But before I could reach the bed, I need to learn to let go of my thoughts.
It’s as though I don’t want today to end.
Sometimes I even fear the next day. As though not sleeping will stop the next day from coming.
The next day brings hope. But why do I fear it? Perhaps it’s because as each day comes, I feel time slipping away.
The clock is ticking, and I don’t feel like I’m making enough progress.
I’m making progress, but not making it fast enough.
I need time to slow down so that I can catch up. If it slows down enough I can achieve all that I want to, need to, in the time that I want to achieve it.
But I can’t slow down time. So how can I speed up success?
Work harder? Work smarter?
Maybe it might be easier to just clone me. Then I could complete the things I want to do.
Caught up in a cycle of just trying to stay above water, but not making progress towards land.
When will that progress reach so that I could rest better. Sleep better. Or should I let go of all I have and just sleep.
I wish I could. Well, I could, but what happens if I do?
No business. No earnings. No food. No wife. No kids.
A steady decline into nothingness.
Or perhaps I’m being too glum. Perhaps nothing is what I need to be. Once you’re nothing, then the only thing you can become is something. Right?
Can you descend even lower into the abyss?
I don’t know. Once you reach the bottom it’s to then dig a hole maybe.
But I’ve had nothing before. And I was able to build myself. If I have nothing again, I can do the same.
Yes, it would be hard. Yes, it will not be a great feeling. But I will succeed.
I have no doubt about that.
And then I can finally stop being afraid of the tomorrows. And I could finally let go of the things I have to do today.
Because tomorrow can always be a better day.